Neuro-Affirming Communication Supports Across the Lifespan: Creating Access, Not Conformity

Communication is more than just talking — it's how we connect, express ourselves, and make sense of the world. For many neurodivergent people, communication might look different, but it is no less meaningful. This blog explores how we can support neurodivergent communication across the lifespan by focusing on access and understanding, not conformity.

But first.. What is "Neuro-Affirming?"

Neuro-affirming is short for "neurodiversity-affirming." Neurodiversity is the natural variation in how human brains think, communicate, and experience the world. Just as biodiversity helps ecosystems thrive, neurodiversity strengthens communities by offering different ways of seeing and interacting with the world.

Being neuro-affirming means recognizing neurodivergent ways of thinking and communicating as valid—not broken, not disordered, and not something to be "fixed." It means shifting the focus from changing the individual to changing the environment, while challenging perceptions of what is "normal."

In contrast to traditional approaches, which aim to make neurodivergent people communicate and socialize in a more "neurotypical" way, the goal of a neuro-affirming approach is to improve the neurodivergent person's quality of life by supporting them to communicate in whatever way is feels most natural, comfortable, and authentic to them.

Communication is a Human Right

Communication is a fundamental right, and it comes in many forms—not just spoken words. Everyone deserves dignity and respect, and it's crucial to ensure access to tools and environments that support their ability to connect in their own way, whether it is through speech, signs, gestures, typing, or augmentative and alternative communication (AAC).

Click on the image for a downloadable PDF of the NJC Communication Bill of Rights.

In this blog, I'll share three avenues for creating supportive interactions that honor and respect all communication: exploring environmental accommodations, navigating the "double empathy" problem, and ensuring access to Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC) options. Let's get into it!

Designing Inclusive Spaces

Sensory-Friendly Environments

Regulation is crucial to communication -- that's why Occupational Therapists (OTs) and Speech Therapists (SLPs) often work so well in tandem! One way to understand the relationship between sensory input, regulation, and communication is by using the "sensory cup" analogy.

Imagine everyone has a "sensory cup"— when it overflows from too much input (noise, light, touch, smell, etc.) or when it's empty from too little input, this causes dysregulation. When someone is dysregulated, it can be harder for them to access their communication skills. Check out the video below from Big Life Journal that explains the "sensory cup" analogy in a kid-friendly way.

People communicate best when they feel regulated—but they still deserve to be heard when they’re not. That "whiny voice"? It’s often a sign of unmet needs and/or dysregulation, not intentional bad behavior.

So what can we do to create an even more sensory-friendly environment? Well, that depends on the specific needs of the individuals who are in the environment!

• For some people with "sensory cups" that are always full (aka "sensory avoiders"), options for reducing sensory input from the environment can be helpful, such as:

  • Turning off background noise (TV, music) or lowering the volume

  • Offering noise-reducing headphones or earplugs

  • Adjustable lighting

• For those whose "sensory cups" are perpetually empty (aka "sensory seekers"), options to increase sensory input might be helpful, for example:

  • Flexible seating options

  • Access to movement (fidgets, pacing, rocking,

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Visual Supports

While not every person NEEDS a visual support, visual supports can help ALL people. For those who need more time to process spoken language, visuals can help them understand more quickly. This is especially important when someone is experiencing a meltdown, because adding more spoken words to the mix can often be overwhelming and unhelpful. Visuals allow us to use fewer spoken words in a situation like this where "less is more." There are so many other reasons to use visuals-- it's only appropriate that I explain using (you guessed it) VISUALS!

Still wondering if you should use visuals? We have a visual for that!!

importance of using visuals in a flexible way, with the goal of communication and connection, not compliance

Social Accommodations & Supportive Interactions

Recognize the Double Empathy Problem

Traditional “social skills” often reflect neurotypical standards—eye contact, small talk, a “polite” tone. But these expectations can be deeply ableist.

Neurodivergent communication may involve:

• Literal language

• Info-dumping (sharing a lot about an interest)

• Atypical body language or vocal tone

Focus on mutual understanding, not mimicry. Teach peers and community members to flex their styles, too.

Prioritize Connection Over Compliance

Empower neurodivergent individuals to say no, set boundaries, or opt out of interactions that feel overwhelming or confusing.

This includes:

• Not forcing turn-taking

• Respecting “no hugs” or “I need space”

• Allowing exits from group settings without punishment

Listening doesn’t always look like eye contact and still hands. Instead of enforcing “whole body listening,” try accommodations like:

Respect & Honor Communication Differences

Echolalia (repeating words or phrases), scripting, or delayed responses are all valid communication forms. Be curious, not dismissive. Avoid rushing or interrupting—silence doesn’t mean nothing is happening.

Reduce performance pressure with the following tips:

• Don’t ask questions you already know the answer to.

• Aim for a 3:1 ratio of comments to questions.

• Use declarative language instead of commands.

• Respect differences in processing time and avoid “pop quizzes.”

Adopt a Universal Design for Learning approach by modeling many types of communication:

• Spoken, written, gestures, pictures, sign language, AAC

• Everyone benefits from multimodal access—not just non-speaking people.

Communication ability can vary from day to day. If someone used speech yesterday but not today, that doesn’t mean they’re being difficult—it means they need another path to expression. Think of times when you’ve ignored a call and chosen to text instead—same idea.

Model, Promote, and Respect All Forms of Self-Advocacy

Demonstrating what self-advocacy looks like can help individuals understand their own communication needs. Use daily routines, play, or role-playing to practice expressing preferences and needs such as:

• “I need a break”

• “Please don’t touch me”

• “Leave me alone”

  
  

Remember, self-advocacy isn’t always verbal. Behaviors can be communication, such as:

• Leaving the room

• Refusing an activity

• Going quiet or shutting down

  
  

But it’s not effective self-advocacy if no one is listening. Families, schools, workplaces, and communities must be ready to hear and respond to neurodivergent voices—even when it’s inconvenient or uncomfortable.

AAC (Augmentative and Alternative Communication): Access Is Equity

What Is AAC?

AAC includes unaided methods (like sign language or gestures) and aided tools (like communication boards, apps, or speech-generating devices). It can be:

• Static: paper-based boards or mid-tech devices

• Dynamic: touchscreen systems that change as you navigate

Before we dip our toes into the metaphorical ocean of AAC, let’s bust a few myths:

• AAC is not a last resort.

• AAC does not delay speech—it often enhances it.

• Everyone benefits from multiple ways to communicate.

Even people who speak sometimes need other tools to communicate effectively, especially during stress, fatigue, or sensory overload.

Supporting AAC Use in Everyday Life

Supporting AAC means:

• Modeling how to use it (just like we model spoken language).

• Motivating by making it relevant (talk about favorite shows, snacks, etc.).

• Moving out of the way and giving space for responses.

Ensure the tool is always available—not just during school or therapy. Presume potential, and treat all AAC attempts as intentional. It’s okay not to know where everything is—model searching, typing, and asking for help.

Conclusion: Communication Belongs to the Individual

Communication is not a performance. It’s an expression of identity and connection. When we shift our expectations and provide affirming supports, we don’t just make space—we open doors.

Being understood feels good. External rewards (like token systems) can actually reduce the motivation to communicate. Let’s prioritize trust, understanding, and respect.

Call to Action:

Let’s build environments where neurodivergent communication isn’t just allowed—it’s celebrated. Whether someone speaks, types, signs, or scripts, their voice matters.

Community Questions

Q: How can I help my adult son (age 19) build friendships and community?A: Start with his interests. Look for community groups, clubs, or online communities aligned with those passions. Peer mentoring, community centers, or ND-led programs can also help create authentic, interest-based connections.

Q: I’m a queer parent of a 2-year-old—how do I find other queer-friendly ND families?A: Search for local neurodiversity-affirming parenting groups on Facebook or Meetup, especially those focused on inclusive and LGBTQ+ spaces. Libraries, children’s museums, and therapy clinics sometimes host inclusive parent meetups too.

Q: What’s the difference between an IEP and a 504 plan?A: An IEP (Individualized Education Program) provides specialized instruction and services under special education law (IDEA), while a 504 plan offers accommodations under disability rights law (Section 504). Both support access—but in different ways.

Q: My 4- and 8-year-olds hit during meltdowns. What do I do?A: Hitting during a meltdown is usually a sign of distress, not aggression. Focus on prevention by reducing triggers, offering sensory tools, and teaching safe ways to express big feelings. Afterward, co-regulate and connect—don’t punish.

Q: How do I support my 12-year-old with social life?A: Talk about their social goals—do they want more friends, deeper friendships, or just less awkwardness? Offer scripts, role-play, or peer mentorship. Let them know that being different is okay, and their way of connecting is valid.